Let's Talk About
by Macx
Summary: movie-fic, Imperfection 'verse. “You know, for such a big mech, Optimus Prime is one very sexy bot.“ Rated for subject matter. It's a mild M-rating or a strong T... take your pick.


TITLE: Let's Talk About… (Sex, Baby)  
SERIES: Imperfection Deviation  
AUTHOR: Macx  
RATING: mild R because of the subject matter  
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters belong to me, sadly. They are owned by people with a lot more money :)  
Author's Voice of Warning (aka Author's Note):  
English is not my first language; it's German. This is the best I can do. Any mistakes you find in here, collect them and you might win a prize The spell-checker said everything's okay, but you know how trustworthy those thingies are...  
FEEDBACK: Loved  
BETA: okamimyrrhibis  
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This fic makes references to another I still have to post... hope it's not too confusing ;)

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"You know, for such a big mech, Optimus Prime is one very sexy bot."

There were sudden coughing and choking noises. Former Army Ranger Will Lennox was wiping beer off his chin where it was dribbling down, while the beer bottle was foaming. Lieutenant Trent DeMarco sounded like he was hacking up a hair ball and Will finally slapped his back a few times. Sam Witwicky stared at his ex-girlfriend like she had grown a second head.

"What?!" he finally managed.

"Just thinking," Mikaela mused as she sipped at her non-alcoholic drink. She had switched from light beer to alcohol free an hour ago. "For a 'bot, that is. Have you never thought what he would look like as a human being?"

"No!"

"But you and Bee…"

"I don't think of him as human, Mikaela!"

"But you're having sex."

"No! It's not sex! I told you it's not. It's…"

Her eyes sparkled and Sam sunk deeper into his seat, groaning.

"I hate you."

She smiled brightly. "You love me."

"I really hate you."

Trent, who had mopped up some of the beer he had spilled, smirked. Lennox, nursing his own beer, was grinning to himself. For Trent the revelation about Sam and Bumblebee had been a slow process. He had never been told about those two. He had more or less guessed it after a while, especially since he had taken to keeping an eye on the technopathic engineer. Not because of some ulterior motives, no. It had been because he was Sam's friend and he looked out for him. Sam tended to get lost in research and when his mind was side-tracked into the exploration of something mechanical, he tended to have a headache that needed chocolate. Everyone on the base knew to keep high caloric food on their persons to insure Sam didn't keel over from technopathic-induced hypoglycemia.

So throughout his months at the base, which now added up to over a year, Trent had been exposed to a lot of things. Barricade, for one. He still had no idea why the mech disliked him so much. Or if it was dislike at all. Maybe it was a Decepticon thing. Then there had been Sam's technopathy. Lennox's changes couldn't be overlooked and Trent had been brought in on that 'secret' right away. Then the relationship between Bumblebee and Sam had more or less revealed itself, though it was very, very subtle.

No, Trent wasn't really shocked easily nowadays. Except for his ex-girlfriend wondering about sexy mechs and human forms.

It was a nice evening, already getting dark, and it was still warm. The house was dark, only the porch lights on, and the neighborhood was more or less quiet. The Witwickys weren't home. Ron and Judy had decided to visit San Diego for the weekend. Since Mikaela was in town and they had wanted to meet with her in a place where Will wouldn't stand out, Ron had offered their home. Sam had been grateful and Trent had volunteered to get the food and drinks. As the logistician among them it was easy for him to get some really good stuff.

So now they were enjoying the warm evening, good food, and each other's company.

Mikaela turned to Will, smiling. The former Army Ranger had a sudden 'oh-oh' expression in his face.

"Don't…" he warned.

"What?" came the innocent reply.

Trent was trying hard not to laugh.

"I'm not talking about sexy mechs with you."

"So you think Optimus is sexy?"

Will was visibly drawn between throwing something at her and ignoring the question.

"And here I thought Ironhide was enough," Mikaela added mischievously.

"You know, you got a dirty mind," he muttered.

"You don't say," Trent laughed.

"I think they'd all make very handsome humans," Mikaela went on.

"Is this post-natal hormones talking?" Sam almost whined. "Because you're freaking me out!"

"Who's the technopath with a mech boyfriend here?"

"He's not my boyfriend!"

Mikaela raised her brows. "Bonded?" she teased.

"No!"

"So it's casual sex?"

"Mikaela!"

"It is sex," she insisted. "You get off on it."

Sam's cheeks stained red a little. "It's not physical," he muttered.

"Mind sex," the young woman stated.

"Hormones," Trent sighed and emptied his beer. He rose to get another one. "Must be hormones. It can't be an alcohol-free beer. That would be freaky."

Mikaela grinned. "Just voicing my thoughts on the subject."

"Why do you have them anyway?" Trent wanted to know as he sunk back into his comfortable seat with another beer. "You're married."

"Even married women can appreciate other men than their own."

Will snorted. "Apples and oranges," he only commented.

"You find a mech attractive. What is it that draws you to Ironhide?" she wanted to know, giving him a pointed look.

"It's not the same!" he protested immediately.

Runes swirled, seeming a little more lively all of a sudden. Of course he and Ironhide couldn't be compared to a human couple. There were so many differences.

"But it's also not some kind of desperation, right? And Ironhide's not the guy to force anyone into something like that," Mikaela stated.

"What?!"

"You're not sex-starved," Trent translated, smiling evilly.

"Why the fuck are you interested in my sex life?"

"So it is sex!" Mikaela triumphed.

Will groaned and hid behind his beer. "I'm not talking with you about that."

"But you think Optimus is sexy, too."

"No!"

"I do," she only reiterated.

"We know that. Just don't let anyone catch you humping his foot," Lennox replied nastily.

Mikaela laughed out loud. "Women aren't the humping kind."

"Riiight," Trent murmured.

"You keep out of it, Trent."

"Hey, first boyfriend here."

Mikaela threw a paper napkin at him. "You were a jerk."

"High school. What can I say?"

"Big time jerk," she clarified. "You wouldn't even let me drive your ride."

"Hey, you were a girl!"

"And now I'm not?"

Trent grinned. "Now you're a married woman fantasizing about mech sex. And I didn't know you were such a car chick, Mikaela."

A pretzel flew his way and Sam tried to hide his laughter. His shields were still strong – thankfully! Bumblebee would probably have a pump arrest, or wonder about human sanity. Not that he didn't normally. Humans were still a strange race to him sometimes, even though he was connected to one more intimately than anyone could ever believe.

"I'm imagining mechs in human form," Mikaela clarified.

"You think of Optimus Prime as 'sexy'. I call that mech sex."

Will groaned and shook his head. Sam smirked. Of course Lennox had a more sexual relationship with Ironhide than Sam with Bumblebee. They were a lot more physical and Ironhide learned fast. He was also experimental. Still, a relationship with a Cybertronian was very different from one with a female – or male – human. Physical attributes, as well as appearance, didn't matter. Only their protoforms stayed the same, but that was hidden underneath layers of camouflage armor. And mechs wouldn't look at humans as partners either because of the whole spark thing.

"They don't have sex," Sam muttered defiantly.

"So what is it that gets you off?"

Sam felt another flush color his cheeks and Will shook his head, refusing to answer. It was different for both of them, each connected to his respective partner in a different way. Sam himself experienced it as a rush that started in his altered mind and encompassed his whole body.

"Can we change the topic, please?" Trent requested.

"Why? Afraid I might ask about you and Arcee?" Mikaela teased.

"What?! Arcee's my friend!"

"So?"

"She's not… she's not even a she!"

"Neither are Ironhide and Bumblebee and they get to have sex."

Sam wondered if hormones were the only reason Mikaela was thinking about this particular topic. It might also be the beer. The non-alcoholic beer, he reminded himself. Geez!

"It's not sex," he heard Lennox mutter, but he sounded resigned to the fact that it didn't interest Mikaela the least.

"I'm not in a relationship with Arcee!" Trent was meanwhile protesting again.

"You know what they say about protesting too much."

Trent glared half-heartedly. "We're friends," he repeated. "That's it. Nothing sexual about. People can be friends. Just friends."

"Okay. If you say so. I wouldn't have pushed Optimus out of my bed, though."

Sam had just taken another swallow and promptly spit it out. "What? Mikaela!"

"If he was human, that is."

"You're a happily married woman!"

"Who isn't allowed to fantasize?"

"About alien robots?"

"You do," Mikaela countered, kicking the ball into Sam's side of the court again while shooting Will a pointed look.

"This is so not comparable! You sound like you want to have sex with a truck!"

"Only because he's bigger than Bumblebee doesn't mean he can't get any."

Sam felt his whole face heat up at the images those words brought forth.

"Man, I sure hope no one's listening in on this," Trent declared.

"Try explaining that to the mechs," Lennox agreed.

Mikaela grinned. "You're all so easy, guys."

"And you're a nut."

She smirked at Sam. "So are you. All of you."

"In this job you gotta be," Trent agreed. "First lesson I learned, right after evading Barricade."

Mikaela raised an eyebrow at him. "He still growls at you?"

"No. Just gives me the evil eye. Well, optic. Must be a Decepticon thing."

Sam decided not to say anything, just keep his mouth shut. One day he would have to tell Trent what was going on, why Barricade treated him like he did – with disdain and distrust. He would never actively hurt Trent, but he would accept him as a trusted member of the base.

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The gathering wound down around midnight, after Mikaela had been picked up by Chris. They were staying at a hotel and would leave the next morning to fly back home. Hannah, their daughter, was with Chris' parents. Mikaela had left an open invitation to come and visit them, have a relaxed get-together at her place.

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Trent left not much later. He inhaled the now much cooler night air, feeling relaxed and rather at ease. He had had a good time.

A blue and green motorbike sat patiently at the curb, his helmet on the seat.

"Hey," he greeted Arcee.

"Enjoyed your time out?" she asked quietly.

"A lot."

"Home?" she wanted to know.

Home wasn't his parents' place. His father had been severely disappointed that Trent had joined the military and while his mother had tried to mediate, the old man wasn't talking to him any more. There had been no invitations to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners, nor to birthdays. In a way it hurt. Somehow, though, it was a life he had left behind, too. He had become someone else, someone he was proud of to be. His father would never understand or approve of anything other than what he had chosen for his son to do and be.

"Home," he only said.

Arcee started her engine and Trent slipped on the helmet, then got on the bike. It was no great surprise that Arcee took over driving. It was late – or early, depending on how you looked at it – and he had had a few beers. The troubleshooter was very well able to drive herself, something Trent had always marveled over and tried not to think off too much. It made his brain hurt. Arcee had explained it to him, mentioning some kind of balance and counterweight, but he hadn't really grasped the concept.

Trent just pretended to sit on the bike and drive while Arcee navigated the streets, then headed out onto the interstate and back to the base. When she was sure no one was around – it was a rather deserted strip of road – she opened up the engine and accelerated. Trent felt a burst of adrenaline, smiling wildly under the helmet, as they raced.

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Bumblebee was a warm and heavy weight in his mind. Sam knew what power lurked behind the deceptively soft exterior of the spark, the way he saw it. Bumblebee was power and strength, resilience born out of an existence so much older than he was himself. He would never be able to describe what it was like to touch the mech like this, what it felt like. It was so beyond what was humanly possible to experience. It was only between them. It was unique and it was special.

:You enjoyed tonight: Bumblebee said with a smile in his voice.

:Yeah. It was nice to be so… open. I mean, Will and Trent and Mikaela… they're like a kind of extended family. Like you guys:

Bumblebee shifted closer and Sam let himself lean a little more on his partner. When Bumblebee sent little pulses through their connection, Sam shivered.

:Bee…: he started, though not in protest.

:Relax: was all Bumblebee whispered.

His body reacted. He could feel it like a distant signal, not really there but heard, and Sam wanted more, relaxing be damned. He opened up, invited Bee inside his mind while simultaneously reaching for the mech's, and Bumblebee was only too willing to follow that invitation.

No, it wasn't a spark bond. Sam lacked the spark. But it was fulfilling, for both of them, as Bumblebee had told him in the beginning of their relationship. No one would ever be able to understand or relate to this, not even Will, but Sam didn't care.

Bumblebee's presence washed over him, pulled him along as they swirled together in a sensuous dance.

:Don't think: the mech murmured, caressing Sam's presence. :Feel:

And he did.

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"Well, the house is still standing."

Will looked up from where he was just pouring his second cup of morning coffee and smiled at Ron Witwicky as the older man walked into his home.

"Dad, I'm not sixteen any more," Sam mock-complained.

"What happened when you were sixteen?" Will teased.

"Nothing. I was a perfectly normal geek. No wild party friends whatsoever."

Lennox chuckled. "Coffee, Ron?"

"He's just about had enough morning caffeine," Judy interrupted whatever her husband was about to say. "But I'll take one."

Ron grimaced and proceeded to inspect the house, Sam shaking his head at his father's suspicions about party damage.

"It was only Mikaela, Trent and us two, Dad. You think we had some wild night or something?"

"Or something."

"Dad!"

Will recognized the sparkle of humor in the older Witwicky's eyes and so did Sam. He just rolled his eyes.

"So how was your get-together?" Judy wanted to know.

"Fun. Mikaela says hi, by the way."

"I was hoping to meet her. Your first girlfriend," Judy sighed.

"It's been eight years, Mom."

"Still, she was your first."

Will had to bite his lower lip not to laugh. Sam felt embarrassment rise.

"Outside looks good, too," Ron interrupted his possible reply. "You stayed off the grass."

"As ordered, sir," Lennox joked.

"You have no idea how hard it is to get a lawn like that," Ron continued. "The time and effort and the unappreciative off-spring… Not to mention giant alien robots who tear up the yard and leave everything in pieces."

"That was a decade ago, Dad."

"It still hurts, son. It still hurts."

"Did Trent leave, too?" Judy wanted to know.

"Yes. He's on duty. Arcee took him home."

"He's grown into a nice young man. I never would have figured. Just like I never would have thought you'd be friends."

Sam shrugged. "We are. Now."

"Anyway, are you staying for lunch?"

"We just finished breakfast. It was kinda early…"

Judy chuckled. "I figured."

"I was about to leave," Will told her.

"Aw, too bad."

"See you again, Judy. Ron." He nodded at Sam's father and placed the mug into the sink.

Judy hugged him, Ron just gave him a smile, then Will left the Witwicky home, not really that surprised to see a familiar truck waiting outside. Ironhide opened the door and he climbed in.

"Hey there," he greeted his partner.

"You overslept," Ironhide returned.

"Only by a few hours." Lennox grinned. "But it's not too late to drive out to the lake."

"Probably not."

"Hey, I don't object to midnight skinny dipping."

Ironhide's laugh was a soft rumble. He pulled back out onto the road and they headed for the remote and scarcely visited lake in the mountains.

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"Can humans be sexually attracted to robots?"

The quiet question had Sam splutter and nearly choke on his soft drink. He had chosen to spend the morning outside in his parents' garden as his mother planted her favorite flowers and his father was as always obsessing about his lawn – which was in perfect condition.

"What?!" Sam finally managed.

"Can humans feel sexual attractions to a mechanoid?" Bumblebee repeated.

"What brought that up?"

He had an idea, which mostly revolved around Bumblebee either eavesdropping or catching some of Sam's thoughts. Still… even after their solid partnership for years now, he didn't feel comfortable discussing sex in that way. Because they didn't have any. It was different, it wasn't like with human girls. And Bumblebee wasn't a girl at all, let alone organic or even remotely human.

"I've spent enough time with your kind to understand the rudimentary rules of courtship and mating," the mech went on and he sounded like Barricade had years ago when he had, in a strange moment of openness, explained mechanoid relationships to Sam. "I know that finding a mate with your kind is all about reproduction, except for a few cases."

"Like ours."

Bumblebee chuckled softly. "That's very special."

Sam felt a warm flush of emotions. It was very, very special.

"But females like Mikaela don't have the courtesy of a technopathic mind that reaches deeper than any human ever could," Bumblebee continued.

"You eavesdropped"

"It was hard to ignore."

Sam groaned. "Bee, I doubt she feels attracted to Optimus in more than a platonic way. We humans can fall in love with objects, mostly hot and fast cars. Mikaela was brought up around cars."

"She is mated and has never shown signs of more than friendship towards us."

"It's… just… I mean… like…" Sam flailed. "Infatuation. I think Jazz is a hot car, too." He flushed. "Not in that way. I mean… his alt mode. But I wouldn't… you know… never!"

Bumblebee was silent.

"And you look hotter," Sam tried meekly.

That got him a chuckle. It sounded way too amused.

"And your alt modes can change," the engineer continued, trying not to dig his own grave any deeper. "I mean…"

:I know what you mean: Bee sent. :I know what you feel. And Jazz isn't your type."

Sam laughed. :He isn't?:

:No:

:You are?:

:I sincerely hope so:

:Speaking as the only technopath around and without prior experience in the matter of bonding with a mechanoid life form… then yes.:

A hum flowed through his mind. Bumblebee appeared almost smug. Sam chuckled.

:Why would Mikaela be interested in Optimus then?: the Camaro tried again.

:Not like you think she is. Not even remotely. It was just a statement, not a… plan to get involved:

Bumblebee mulled that over. :I doubt Optimus would be able to return her appreciation anyway: he finally conceded.

Sam snorted. :I doubt Mikaela really wants what she said out loud:

:What about you?:

:Huh?:

:You mentioned once that you hadn't thought of me as a partner either:

Sam felt embarrassment rise. :Yeah, well… my vision of what might happen between us was rather limited… I saw it as a… um… physical interaction:

:That would be difficult: Bumblebee agreed.

:Impossible: Sam added.

:Depending on your interpretation of 'physical':

Sam groaned at the images Bumblebee projected and outright laughed at a few specific ones. :The Autobot-human Kamasutra!:

Bumblebee checked the reference and was a little thoughtful. Finally, :Highly unlikely:

:The positions?:

:The execution of them with a human being and a mechanoid:

Sam leaned against the yellow skin. :Are we really talking sexual positions here?:

:Apparently:

:Weird:

Bumblebee chuckled again. :But entertaining: was the wicked answer.

The engineer smirked. :Yeah. You think Will and Ironhide are having the same conversation?:

:Maybe:

Sam tried to imagine Ironhide talking human sex and sexual stuff, and failed. Bumblebee smirked.

:You'd be surprised about their discussions:

:He told you?:

:More or less. Ironhide asked about our relationship, but it's different from what he has with Will:

:Uh-huh…:

Sam mulled that over, then shrugged. Whatever. He had talked with Will, too, so it wasn't really something out of the ordinary. They had both been thrown into cold water, so to speak, each changed, each no longer just human, and they had found a partner in a mechanoid.

It was their lives. No one could live them but them alone.

"Wanna go out to the lake?" he asked out loud and got up.

The answer was Bumblebee's engine starting. Sam chuckled and waved at his parents. He would be back by tonight. For now, he wanted to enjoy his days off.


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